Healing is a strange process. We often imagine it as something peaceful: resting, understanding ourselves better, letting go, and slowly feeling lighter. Sometimes it is like that. But sometimes healing is uncomfortable, confusing, and even frightening.
Lately, while cleaning the house and removing things that are old, damaged, or no longer needed, I have felt that I am also clearing something inside myself. It feels as though I am letting go of the old and broken very quickly. Perhaps faster than my mind and body are able to understand.
When we begin to change our surroundings, our habits, or the way we live, deeper emotions can suddenly come to the surface. Memories we thought we had left behind return. Old fears appear without warning. Something that happened many years ago can suddenly feel close again, almost as if it were happening now.
This happened to me recently. I opened my eyes in the morning and immediately felt something very heavy. It took me completely by surprise. The fear was so strong that, in that moment, it felt as if something dark had attacked me.
I did not know what else to do, so I prayed. I listened to the teachings of Jesus. I screamed, shook my body, and tried to release the fear physically. The shaking helped me. It felt as though my body was carrying something that words and thoughts could not reach.
(YnM breathable cotton weighted blanket)
Sometimes our bodies remember what our minds are trying to forget. We may tell ourselves that something is over, that we are safe now, or that we should have moved on, but the body may still hold the fear, tension, and shock. When it finally comes to the surface, the experience can be intense.
In those moments, it is difficult to think clearly. The mind wants to understand everything immediately. It asks what is happening, why it is happening, and what it means. It returns to old events and conversations. It reminds us of what happened, what did not happen, what somebody said, what we should have said, and what could happen next.
The mind begins to invent stories because uncertainty frightens it.
This is how I recognise the voice of the ego. It is the nagging voice. It repeats itself. It questions, argues, analyses, and tries to control the situation by finding an explanation for everything. It often speaks through fear, urgency, blame, and confusion.
I do not believe that the ego is simply bad. It is often trying to protect us, but it protects us by keeping us alert and by reminding us of everything that has ever hurt us. The problem is that it does not always understand that the danger has passed. It can continue fighting long after there is nothing left to fight.
The deeper inner voice feels different. It is quieter. It does not argue. It does not need to prove anything. It does not frighten us or force us to make an immediate decision. It may simply tell us to breathe, to be still, to pray, to rest, or to take one small step at a time.
For me, that quieter voice is connected to the soul, to inner truth, and to God’s love.
When fear rises, we can begin by helping the body feel safer. Breathing slowly can help, especially when the exhale is gentle and a little longer than the inhale. Walking, stretching, cleaning, dancing, or doing another physical activity can also release some of the pressure (Manduka PRO cushioned yoga mat).
Shaking the body helped me. Screaming into a pillow can help when emotions feel trapped and there is nowhere else for them to go. Crying can help. Even cleaning a room, opening the windows, or taking a shower can make a difference because these actions bring us back into the present moment.
A warm cup of tea can also be comforting (COSORI temperature-control electric kettle). Not because tea can heal trauma by itself, but because the warmth, the familiar smell, and the simple ritual of preparing it can calm us. Chamomile, lemon balm, peppermint, or any caffeine-free tea that feels familiar can become part of that moment of returning to ourselves.
Still, for me, nothing helps more than prayer.
Prayer reminds me that I am not alone and that I do not have to understand or control everything. It reminds me that God is greater than the fear I am feeling and greater than the circumstances I cannot yet understand.
Sometimes all I can say is: “God, I do not understand what is happening. Please have mercy on me. Guide me, protect me, and help me see clearly.”
Surrendering to God does not mean ignoring pain or pretending everything is fine. It means admitting that I cannot solve everything with my mind. It means placing the situation into God’s hands, even while I am still afraid.
The ego does not like surrender because surrender means giving up control. The mind wants explanations, evidence, plans, and certainty. But sometimes clarity does not come through more thinking. Sometimes it comes only after we stop fighting and say, “God, I cannot carry this alone.”
Then the clarity begins to appear, bit by bit.
Not every frightening thought is the truth. Not every fearful feeling is a warning. Not every story created by the mind deserves to be believed. Sometimes what feels like an external darkness may also be the body and mind reacting to old fear, exhaustion, stress, grief, or unresolved trauma. This does not make the experience less real. It simply means that we should respond with care rather than immediately accepting the most frightening explanation.
I am learning to ask myself: Does this voice bring peace or panic? Does it guide me gently, or does it accuse and frighten me? Does it bring me closer to love, truth, and responsibility, or does it pull me into fear and endless questioning?
God’s love does not need to terrorise us. It may lead us through difficult truths, but it does not take away our dignity. It does not trap us inside panic. It leads us towards honesty, compassion, courage, and eventually peace.
Healing does not happen in a straight line. We can feel better for weeks and then suddenly be surprised by a fear we thought had disappeared. That does not always mean that we have returned to the beginning. It may mean that another layer is ready to be seen and released.
- YnM breathable cotton weighted blanket
- Myga Zafu Meditation Cushion – (washable buckwheat floor cushion)
- Sunbeam machine-washable heated throw
- Stash caffeine-free herbal tea sampler
- Twinings caffeine-free herbal tea collection
- Guided Christian prayer and gratitude journal
Some things need to come to the surface more than once. Each time, we may understand them differently. Each time, we may respond with a little more awareness and a little less fear.
Faith and practical support can also exist together. We can pray, read Scripture, drink tea, walk, breathe, rest, and spend time in nature. We can also speak with someone we trust, including a doctor, therapist, counsellor, or spiritual leader, especially when frightening experiences keep returning or begin to affect sleep and everyday life. Asking for help does not mean that our faith is weak. Sometimes help is one of the ways God answers a prayer. I am still learning what healing means. For me, it is not about never being afraid again. It is about recognising fear when it comes and not allowing it to become the voice that leads my life.
The ego may continue to question. The mind may still return to the past. The body may need time to release what it has carried for years. But beneath all that noise, there is something quieter. The soul does not nag and truth does not need to shout. God’s love is still there, even in the moment when fear makes us feel that we have lost our way.
Sometimes all we can do is breathe, move the body, make a cup of tea, open the window, and pray. Then, little by little, the fear loses its power, the mind becomes quieter, and we begin to see clearly again.
