It all started at the end of summer 2023. My Kundalini awakening was sudden, abrupt, and far from the peaceful spiritual transformation I envisioned. It was chaotic and disruptive, typically being described as “triggered” or “disturbed Kundalini Shakti.”
The energy stirred wildly through the front of my body, associated with feminine energy, while the back of my spine, associated with masculine energy, was silent. Just recently (2025), I began feeling those jammed masculine energies stirring gradually, but that is for another post.
What happened next was a complete breakdown of my reality. I no longer knew who I was, what I was, or what my purpose was in the 3D world. By July 2024, I was totally broken. Sleepless nights, uncontrollable crying, and unbearable pain were my best friends. The energy within me was like a snake, whirling crazily around my heart, flowing from my belly to my neck. It was strong, a chaos I could not outrun. My head became cloudy, and I yearned for any sort of breathing space. I cried day and night.
Desperate for Help in My Darkest Hour
Alone in a new country, I was a defective centrifuge—spinning madly but getting nowhere. At these moments, I turned to the advice of the divine. I prayed to angels, Jesus, Mother Mary, Buddha, and God. I begged the universe to show me a path, but the pain did not lessen. I had no idea what was happening to me at the time. It was as if it were an eternal storm from which there was no escape.
Looking back, I now realize that this was all a part of the dark night of the soul, a process that strips from you all that you’ve been denying or suppressing. It causes you to confront your deepest shadows and release the old self. I didn’t know at the time and didn’t possess the knowledge or tools to deal with it. But now it appears to me that this is the necessary first step down the road to healing. The dark night of the soul was not an end, but a beginning, a journey that led me to more divine light and self-awareness.
A Serendipitous Encounter with Magic
I stumbled upon a Facebook post in July, during the depths of despair, about a magician performing in Finland. Something about it resonated with me and made me smile. It reminded me of a man who once loved magic. Though I didn’t respond back then, the post was viewed again, and I read on. The magician was a yacht performer visiting Finland for the first time. The Finnish host was a stranger to me, and I brushed it aside again.
But on a Sunday morning, fearing Monday, I saw the post once again. This time, I got up, gathered my things, and left the house.
As I walked towards the performance, I saw a peacock and a rabbit crossing the street side by side—a strange scene. Their calm, deliberate movement brought peace, as if the world was telling me I was on the right path. Seeing them gave me a weird sense of comfort. The rabbit, in particular, meant more to me. It had suddenly appeared in my life more frequently before my Kundalini awakening, as if it were a prelude to the spiritual journey that lay ahead. The universe really works in unexpected ways.
The Event That Changed Everything
The magician was entertaining, but not the magic I had been longing for. Then, I met the host. As we exchanged a simple glance, I felt an overwhelming sense of home, an inexplicable connection. Later, I learned she was a Kundalini yoga practitioner hosting an event called Her Breath, dedicated to feminine energy healing. I knew I had to attend.
The Healing Session: A Turning Point
The group was intimate, with eight women lying in a circle on meditation cushions. We all set our intentions before the session. When I shared mine, the practitioners, a Kundalini expert, a cranial-sacral therapist, and a shamanic drummer, confirmed what I had suspected: I was experiencing disturbed Kundalini Shakti. They reassured me that I was in the right place and offered their support.
When the session started, I lay down on my mat. The Kundalini therapist started with me, and when she touched my legs, my body reacted. I began to shake, tremble, and cry uncontrollably. Then she started making noises I had never heard before. To my surprise, they resonated deep within, activating something inside me. I found out later that she has the gift of being able to create various sounds for various people she works with (based on their body energies).
The trembling intensified as her hands moved up my chest. I felt weightless, as if some kind of force had lifted me into the air. It was intense but liberating, as if I were being reborn. After the energy released, I lay on the mat, exhausted. My body was drenched in sweat, but I felt a sense of peace for the first time in months.
All of this overwhelmed me. I had no idea what was going on. Around me, I could hear the continuous beat of the drum and the other women’s reactions—some were laughing uncontrollably, some were sobbing, and a few lay perfectly still.
Rebirth and Renewal
The cranial-sacral therapist worked on me next, with her hands moving above my head without touching me. I felt the warmth radiating from her, spreading through my whole body. Tears streamed down my face once more, but these tears were tears of joy and release—tears that were soft, innocent, and full of hope. I felt like I was reborn.
That gathering marked a turning point in my journey. It was the beginning of my healing, a shift from loneliness to solitude, from despair to a state of peace. Looking back, it feels as though the universe pushed me toward exactly where I had to go. There is always a path forward, even in our darkest moments, there is always a way forward, one filled with light, healing, and unseen hands willing to guide us.
Practical Takeaways for Those Experiencing Kundalini Awakening
- Have Faith. The synchronicities and signs can show up in bizarre forms. Just follow them, they might lead you to healing.
- Find Support. Surround yourself with people who understand the process, be it through Kundalini yoga, therapy, or support groups.
- Embrace the Process. Even the darkest moments hold the seeds of transformation.Trust the process and allow it to happen.
Also, as much as I try to find the right words, I often feel my vocabulary falls short. Aaron Abke and his interviewer capture what I have been (and still am) going through. The interview is fantastic overall: Kundalini Awakenings & Graduating from Earth School with Aaron Abke.
