I spent a lot of my life existing in resistance, but I did not realize it. Every morning, when I woke up, before I even opened my eyes, my body would tense itself for something horrible to happen. I thought this was the way things were. It was not until later, after all these years, that I understood that what I thought was normal was actually fear.
The Slow Burn of Fear
Fear isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always show up as panic or paralysis. Sometimes, it’s subtle. It’s the endless loop of overthinking, the hesitation before speaking your truth, the quiet doubt that whispers, You’re not enough.
I made choices because I was afraid. I worked myself to the point of burnout, believing I had to prove myself. I kept everyone at arm’s length, in fear they’d find out the true me and leave. I chased success, not because I loved it, but because I was desperate not to fail. Ultimately, being in survival mode was the new normal.
One afternoon, I had sat outside, watching the wind blow through the trees. For once, I wasn’t planning, worrying, or dissecting. I was just there. Present. And something inside me let out a sigh. It felt like my soul had been holding its breath for years, and suddenly it let go. The tension was released. I felt warmth in my chest, a subtle joy that was unrelated to success or acceptance. It was just the joy of being.
That was my first encounter with the power of life. The power of love.
The Difference Is Clear
Fear constricts. Love opens.
Fear depletes. Love enriches.
Fear asks, what if everything collapses?
Love asks, what if everything is going as it should?
I began to notice the ways in which these feelings manifested in my body. Fear tensed up my shoulders, made my chest feel constricted, and made my mind spin. Love made me feel relaxed and open, and gave me a soft yes. I realized that in any given moment, I could choose one over the other.
Choosing Love
And yet, fear still has moments when attempting to keep me in a small place. But now, I stop. I question myself: Am I making decisions out of fear or out of love? If from fear, then I breathe. I relax. I remind myself that I do not have to control everything to be safe. And then I decide differently.
To say yes to what ignites me, even if it frightens me.
To release what drains me, even if it’s uncomfortable.
To have faith in life, even when the road is uncertain.
Life was never designed to be lived in resistance. It’s designed to be experienced fully and openly, without fear stopping us or making us feel insignificant.
